Friday, August 7, 2009

AFRAID TO WORK

I am a writer. I am a thinker. I am a creator. I am a world class procrastinator. I am a dreamer. I am a believer. I am a doer. I am unemployed...
In all of the things that I am, a part of me is still searching for what I will be. There are so many things that I want to accomplish. As I reflect on the day that I first became unemployed until now, I honestly feel that I've wasted so much time. Yes, I started a blog. Yes, I published a book. Yes, I moved to another state. BUT I WANT MORE! I WANT TO DO MORE. ACCOMPLISH MORE. GIVE MORE. BE MORE...
 I want to go to Africa, not to vacation but to experience and enlighten. I want to get my book on the shelves and to the top of the best seller's list. I want to lose twenty pounds. I want a new car, a 2010 Chevy Camero to be exact. I want a work but not in a job. I want learn a different language. I want to learn how to play an instrument. I want to do something so outside of my character that only the walls will be a witness. 
Time waits for no one. In all of this freedom that I had being unemployed, I never really allowed myself to be free. Now that I'm getting called for interviews, I'm afraid to work. I'm afraid that my life will be consumed by a meaningless job and not a career. I'm afraid that I will be ruled by a paycheck and not passion. I'm afraid that I will never go to Africa, have the time to visit with friends and family, learn to play an instrument or walk on the wild side. I'm afraid that my life will be consumed by Corporate America and it's 50 hour work weeks and one week vacations.
Can I be honest? The job that I wanted I didn't get. To be really honest...I've been called in for four job interviews and one internship this week, that I never followed up with. One of the jobs and the internship seems to be a good fit for me but I'm afraid...

I must push past this fear. I know that I will get the job. I make a promise to myself that when I return to work I will still follow my dreams...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."---Marianne Williamson

2 comments:

Carolyn said...

I love this article. This is TOTALLY who I am and you've just put into words the exact fight I go through each time.Thank you!

xoxo Andra said...

Thank you for taking the time to read! And it is nice to know that I am not alone!!!! Persevere to your calling!!!!