Sunday, February 14, 2010


Four years ago today, I underwent surgery to restore sight in my right eye and prevent blindness in my left. I can remember the events leading up to it like it was yesterday. I was working as a management trainee and living in a studio apartment downtown Detroit. I was just coming into my own. Then a curve ball, more like a foul ball hit me right in the face, metaphorically speaking of course. I had noticed for sometime that my vision in my right eye was diminishing but after having two knee surgeries, my gallbladder removed and battling sickle cell all of my life, I didn't want to bother with the doctor. Finally, I decided to get my eyes checked out because I literally couldn't see. I went in for an appointment and I was scheduled for surgery that following week on Valentine's Day. I was not prepared, no short term disability, no rainy day savings and an imperative surgery. I was so calm before the surgery to the tune that I drove myself to the hospital. It was a 5 1/2 hour procedure. After I came to, the pain crippled my body and every fiber of my being felt like it was being pushed to its limit. For two months I was in recovery. My days and nights consisted of, laying face down. If I sat up, I had to have my head titled down. The doctor said that I needed to be face down 23 hours out of the day. My mother would watch me throughout the night to make sure I was sleeping face down because I am a wild sleeper. After the bandages came off, I was so self conscious about my eyes. My eyelashes was shaved off, my eyes were beat red, you couldn't even see the white of my eye. It looked gross. Eye drops and pain killers were my meal of choice. I promised myself back then to live life to the fullest and not take a moment for granted. I told myself if I could make it through that, I could make it through anything and believe me it was touch and go for a minute. Needless to say I got better. Somehow, I let that urgency die; that zealous pursuit of my dreams. The momentum is gone, the morale is low. How did I get this way? Dammit, why can't I have a happy ending; someone picks me out a crowd or my dream job placed at my feet? I've been through so much. I've been working since I was 16. I've self published 2 books and volunteered for more causes than I can remember. YOU OWE ME...screaming with my hands stretched up to the heavens. Reality check: If all of my volunteerism was done hoping for a reward then I labored in vain. The trails that I have overcame is preparing me for my destiny. I have lost it all, the company car, the good job, the lavish high rise apartment overlooking Canada. Material things. I have gained something far better than material. I used to say that I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life after I lost my job but the truth was that I didn't know how to make it happen. I'm still not sure how to make all of my wildest dreams come true but if I never try, I will never learn how to succeed. I said it before and I will say it is time to reclaim my life. I have to stop this roller-coaster ride with my destiny and stop worrying about being unemployed. I have to push myself to the limit, even past it, in order to succeed. I have to do the things that make me feel happy. I have to get out my comfort zone. I simply have to ACT. And I will...

No comments: