Monday, May 25, 2009


So if you follow my blog, which I hope you do. You know that I am unemployed and happy. But with happiness comes confusion. In recent posts, I wrote about how elated I was to have the freedom of going after my inner most dreams. I'm self publishing my second book, submitting for casting calls, trying to loose weight, writing a play and more. Tonight for some reason, I got an overwhelming feeling of confusion. I immediately prayed that I would regain a clear direction for tomorrow and for my purpose in life. In being able to live my dreams, I am not committed to one specific thing. I'm not even sold on where I want to live. This is a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that I am open to the possibilities and not limited by glass ceilings. I've been unemployed for over a year. In my battle with sickle cell, I had my gallbladder removed, went blind, had two knee surgeries and been hospitalized over 20 times. I've graduated from college. I've worked with companies that weren't diverse. So anything that happens now, I can handle because I broke through my own barriers a long time ago. But where there is no vision the people will parish. Although I am free to do it all realistically speaking I need to narrow my search. I am good at a lot of things but not great in one particular thing. I love being a free spirit but this freedom is taxing on my mental. One day I feel great the next week I feel like I am a loser for not having a job in corporate America. Sometimes I feel like I'm too old to chase dreams and other days I feel like I'm too young not to. Yes my life as it is may seem like a walking contradiction to some. But it is my life. I still have to search for that one great thing. I apply to three jobs a week if not more to satisfy my unemployment rules. I write to satisfy my soul. I chase my dreams to one day satisfy my reality. I will not be limited by being my own worse enemy. Off to search for the great...

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